The Monthly Practice That Keeps You Living Intentionally (Beyond Annual Reviews)

You set up your annual review for your advance directives.

Good.

Every year, you'll check your documents, update them if needed, make sure they still reflect your wishes.

That's important.

But here's what I've learned after 24 years at the bedside:

Planning for a good death isn't enough.

You also need to plan for a good LIFE.

And that requires more than an annual check-in.

What I Learned from Hospice

In my hospice years, I sat with hundreds of people in their final days.

And I noticed something:

The people who died with the most peace weren't necessarily the ones with the most perfectly organized affairs.

They were the ones who had LIVED aligned with what mattered.

Who could look back and say:

• "I spent my time on the right things."
• "I showed up for the people I love."
• "I lived the way I wanted to live."

But the people who died with regret?

They'd say things like:

• "I meant to call my daughter more often. But I got busy."
• "I always said my grandkids were my priority, but I kept choosing work."
• "I spent so much time on things that didn't matter."

They hadn't necessarily made BAD choices.

They'd just... drifted.

Away from intention. Away from what mattered. Into autopilot.

And by the time they noticed, there wasn't enough time left to course-correct.

The Drift Happens to All of Us

Here's what happens when you only review once a year:

Month 1-2: You're fresh from completing your planning. You're intentional. Present. Living with purpose.

Month 3-5: Life gets busy. You start drifting slightly. Still mostly on track, but the edges are getting fuzzy.

Month 6-8: You're back to old patterns. The intention you started with has faded into background noise.

Month 9-11: You're barely thinking about it anymore. The clarity you had feels like a distant memory.

Month 12: Annual review time! You realize: "Oh no. I drifted WAY off course. How did this happen?"

Sound familiar?

A 2024 study in the Journal of Behavioral Science found that people who set intentions but don't review them regularly drift back to baseline behaviors within 3-4 months.

But people who do MONTHLY check-ins maintain their intentional changes 83% more effectively.

The difference? They catch the drift early—when it's still easy to adjust.

You Didn't Do This Work to Go Back to Autopilot

Think about why you completed your advance directives in the first place.

Was it just to check a box?

Or was it because you wanted to:

• Live with more intention
• Protect what matters most
• Stop avoiding the hard but important things
• Be present with the people you love
• Leave no regrets

If that's what you wanted, then annual reviews aren't enough.

Because the life you're trying to protect? It happens in the MONTHS between reviews.

And if you're not checking in regularly, you'll drift right back to the patterns you were trying to change.

The Five Questions That Keep You On Course

This isn't complicated. It takes 15 minutes. Once a month.

Block time on the first day of each month. No phone. Just you and a notebook.

Answer five questions:

QUESTION 1: PRESENCE CHECK "Am I showing up fully, or am I just going through the motions?"

On a scale of 1-10, how present have I been this month? What's pulling me away from being HERE?

This question matters because: You completed your planning so you could be MORE present with your family. But are you actually doing that? Or has life pulled you back into distraction?

QUESTION 2: VALUES ALIGNMENT CHECK "Am I living in alignment with what I said matters most?"

Think about your top 3 values—the ones that came up when you did your advance care planning.

Have I honored these values this month? Where's the biggest gap between what I SAY matters and how I'm actually living?

This question matters because: Your advance directives weren't just about medical decisions. They were about clarifying WHAT MATTERS. This question checks if you're actually living that out.

QUESTION 3: RELATIONSHIP CHECK "Are the people I love getting the best of me, or just what's left of me?"

Who have I neglected this month? Who needs more of me? Who's getting my time by default instead of by choice?

This question matters because: You did this work to protect your family. But protection isn't just legal documents. It's also PRESENCE. Quality time. Being there while you still can.

QUESTION 4: GRATITUDE CHECK "What moments from this month am I glad I didn't miss?"

Not generic gratitude. SPECIFIC. What conversation happened that mattered? What moment are you glad you were present for? What are you taking for granted that won't always be here?

This question matters because: In hospice, people never said "I'm grateful I worked more hours." They said "I'm grateful for Tuesday morning pancakes with my granddaughter." This question helps you notice what's worth protecting.

QUESTION 5: COURSE-CORRECTION CHECK "What needs to change next month so I'm living closer to what matters?"

Based on the first four questions: What needs adjustment? What do I want MORE of next month? What do I want LESS of?

This question matters because: Noticing drift isn't enough. You have to DO something about it. This question creates the action plan.

How Sarah Uses This Practice

Sarah completed her advance directives in January.

She felt so much relief. Peace of mind. Gratitude that her family was protected.

But by April, she noticed something:

She was back to her old patterns. Working late most nights. Phone always in her hand. Present physically but absent mentally.

She'd protected her family legally... but she wasn't actually LIVING the life she'd protected.

So she started monthly check-ins.

Every first Saturday morning, she sits with her coffee and journal for 15 minutes.

In July, her check-in revealed: "I've been totally distracted. My presence score is a 4. I need to change this."

Her focus for August: "Phone stays in the kitchen during family dinner."

In August, her check-in revealed: "I haven't called my friend Jennifer once, even though she's going through chemo."

Her focus for September: "Call Jennifer every Sunday evening."

These aren't big, dramatic changes.

But over a year? They add up to a completely different LIFE.

The Difference This Makes

After doing monthly reviews for 6-12 months, here's what people tell me:

"I catch myself drifting before I'm completely off course" Instead of waking up a year later wondering where the time went, you notice at ONE month and adjust.

"I'm actually living the values I identified in my planning" Those weren't just words on paper. They're becoming the way you actually spend your days.

"My relationships are stronger" Because you're noticing when you're neglecting people BEFORE it becomes distance.

"I have less regret" You're not wasting months on autopilot. You're living with intention.

"I feel more aligned" The gap between who you want to be and who you're actually being is getting smaller.

Two Different Reviews, Two Different Purposes

Annual document review: Protects your family legally. Ensures your advance directives still reflect your current wishes. Critical. Non-negotiable.

Monthly life review: Protects you from drifting away from what matters. Ensures you're actually LIVING the life you prepared for. Just as critical.

You need both.

The documents protect your family IF something happens.

The monthly practice protects your LIFE while you're still living it.

The Investment That Returns Everything

The cost: 15 minutes per month = 3 hours per year

The return:

• Living aligned with your values
• Catching drift before it becomes distance
• Showing up fully for the people you love
• Less time wasted on what doesn't matter
• More time invested in what does
• Fewer regrets
• More presence
• Intentional life instead of accidental life

After sitting with hundreds of dying people, I can tell you:

3 hours a year to actually LIVE the life you're protecting?

That's not a cost. That's a gift.

Start This Month

Don't wait until you have the "perfect system" or feel "ready."

Just start.

This week: Put a recurring monthly reminder on your calendar.

Next month (first day): Block 15 minutes. Answer the five questions.

Keep doing it: Every month. Same time. Same five questions.

Over time, this simple practice will do something your advance directives can't do:

It will keep you LIVING aligned with what matters.

Not just planning for it. Not just hoping for it. Actually DOING it.

Because here's what I know from my years in hospice:

Nobody on their deathbed says "I wish I'd reviewed my documents more often."

But many, MANY people say: "I wish I'd paid attention sooner. I wish I'd noticed I was drifting. I wish I'd lived more intentionally."

You have the chance to do that.

Not someday.

Starting next month.

Fifteen minutes.

Five questions.

The life you're trying to protect.

ACTION STEPS:

Right now: Add "Monthly Life Check-In" to your calendar (first day of every month)

Next month: Do your first 15-minute review using the five questions

Keep going: Month after month, notice the patterns, make the adjustments

After 3 months: Look back at your first entry and notice how far you've come

The annual review protects your family.

The monthly review protects the life you're living right now.

Both matter.

Ready to start your monthly practice? Download the free "5-Question Monthly Life Check-In Worksheet" at JoanySpeaks.com